Can I Tell You 'A' Secret?
by PLLAftershocks
Summary: What would happen if Aria decided to give up? She just left Ezra to pick up the pieces of her being gone. Forever.


"Can I Tell You 'A' Secret?"

Day 1

(Ezra's POV)

I woke up this morning with the most brutal hang over I've ever had, and for about fourteen seconds I forgot that you were gone. It took me another twenty-six to realize that you were never coming back.

Day 2

Your mother asked me to speak at the service tomorrow. Then, she saw the dark grey circles under my eyes and the bottle of amber colored liquid in my right hand and told me this isn't what you would have wanted. As if I don't know that. But it hurts so much. I know everyone else is hurting too, but they don't understand. We were supposed to have the rest of our lives together. You and me.

Day 4

I haven't moved from this position on the couch since I got home last night. I don't plan on moving anytime soon. I'm frozen- stuck in time ever since they lowered your body into the ground. I think it's true what they say about lovers being connected. As the warmth left your body it also left mine.

Day 5

I had lunch with Spencer, Emily, and Hanna today. Well, they came to the apartment and forced me to eat something other than stale cheerios and scotch. No one said anything until Hanna eventually blurted out that at least now you're at peace. I'm happy for you. If there's anyone who deserves to be at peace it you… But what about me?

Day 7

It's been one week since I last saw you- since I saw you for the last time. I think I owe your brother an apology. He stopped by last night but I can't remember much about it, but when I woke up this morning an empty bottle of whiskey was in pieces near the door and the wall next to the dresser is now bearing a hole. Just noticed my knuckles are bruised underneath the dried blood.

Day 18

I threw my phone against the wall today and it broke. I'm not sure I have the energy to get a new one. I don't really need one now anyways.

I miss you, I've started reading some of you old English essays. I'm afraid of my tear stains smudging the ink. I can hear your voice in my head at night. Some nights I almost swear I feel you sleeping behind me with the warm air of your nose breathing down my neck.

Day 37

Can I tell you a secret?

We were supposed to move to New York together after you graduated from Rosewood. Did you think of that before you left? Or was there too much pain to think about anything else? I keep thinking about the day that we talked on the phone for five hours on what our first apartment together would look like and how we fought for two hours on what type of couch to get.

But that's not a secret…

Day 74

Rough patch.

I'm supposed to feel closure by now they say. That knowing what that sick girl did put her behind bars is supposed to help. I'm supposed to feel better know that Alison DiLaurentis is in custody and about to be tried for her crimes as 'A'. But I don't. I couldn't feel worse.

I watched her cry at your funeral. I watched her comfort Spencer as she bawled on her hands and knees at your gravestone. I thanked her when she told me she was sorry for my loss, like you weren't her loss too.

Day 86

I didn't even get to say goodbye to you. Not really. I got to hear Mike's ear shattering scream coming from upstairs. I'm the one you got to pull you out of the over flowing bathtub. I held your limb body in my arms on the tile floor. I tried to hold your open skin together with my hands, there was so much blood. One of my shaking hands cradled your head and neck. I screamed at Mike who was now speechless standing in the door frame of the bathroom. I pulled you close to my face and whispered 'I love you' over and over and over. When the ambulance finally got there they were in no rush to get to the hospital. They announced you dead at the scene, 6:47 p.m.

Day 86

Continued.

After they took you away in a black zipped body bag on a gurney I just sat on the bathroom floor sobbing for over an hour. As I got up to leave I noticed your phone on the floor I about threw up when I saw your background of me and you. I eventually did throw up, as I saw every single 'A' text saved and locked in your phone from the past six years. I read up to six. There were still dozens and dozens more but I could feel the bile starting to come up. I didn't even bother to move I just spilled my guts right there in the sink.

Day 100

It's been one hundred days. The pillow still smells like you.

Day 138

Happy Anniversary. Please come back.

Day 163

Why?

I would do anything just to have one more moment with you. I just need to ask you why.

Why did you do it? Why did you leave me behind? We could have escaped together? Why leave Hanna, Spencer, and Emily? They may be at college now but I'm still here. Alone.

You turn nineteen today, and you're supposed to be here.

You said forever, Aria.


End file.
